Moral Dilemmas

Big decisions would be much easier in life if I was 10 years younger, and had no kids. That's my biggest hold back, the kids. I'm not happy where I am. Both mentally and physically. I've gone over the part where I don't think I'm super healthy, so, I'll go into a quick gripe session.

I moved 1200 miles away from anyone I knew. I did this for 2 main reasons- 1, my wife's family lived in the South Florida area, and she really wanted to be a part of their lives. And, obviously I wanted her to be happy. She had lived down in this area before, and I had never really ventured too far out of the New England/Tri State area. The other was that my father had just passed away, and I was sort of struggling in the area. There were a lot of reminders of him up there, and my mother had just moved from CT to MA. I figured, what the hell? A new start would be just what I needed to perk myself up.

Let me go into this next part with the fact that I do not regret any choices I've made. I made them, and I live with them. I can regret the choices I left alone; the things I didn't act on. So, there are no regrets about moving the Florida. The people I've met, mostly, the experiences I've been able to have, and the places I've been able to visit. I do miss the region I left. I miss my family, and real trees. Do you have any freakin' idea how strange it still is to me to see Christmas lights on palm trees? Santa in shorts? I'm a country boy. I define that as somewhere between a redneck and a honky. I love the woods, and would live on the side of a mountain in Appalachia if I could. I miss clean air, silence at night, and stars. So, to say I'm homesick would be incorrect. I don't miss exactly where I came from, only that kind of area.

Now, comes the dilemma. I have 2 kids and a wife to support. Luckily, if we were to ever move, the company my wife is the president of, Laci Group Inc, is a virtual customer service solution; meaning, she can work from anywhere that has power and a land line. I however am the problem. I currently work in a technical field, and was not experienced enough years ago to begin venturing into my own business. That would have been a great idea. Now, it would be starting from scratch. And, as much as I would love to throw caution to the wind, quit my job, and go pro-blogger and technical contracting, I just don't know if that's the best idea for my family and I. So, instead, I go in to my office every day and start some menial morning task in what is now a no-promotion job. I read about all of these smart and talented people who went off, did their own thing, and were successful. Hard work is a no-brainer. The part about that is I'm really attracted to finally being my own boss, and will be much happier. The second part that gets me is the amazing quality time I'll get to have with my family. That has become amazingly important to me. Being at work for 50-60 hours a week right now, I don't get a lot of time to spread out between my 2 kids and my wife; forget about my personal time.

So, I want to say to you all, to follow your hearts, and listen to reason along the way. When the time is right, I'll make the decision that is best for me and my family. Until then, I'll hunker down and wait for that light at the end of the tunnel...